They’ve been together for years now, how many he can’t recall. His friend said he’s been working long days and loves his job. He said she sleeps a lot and when she’s awake, most of the time she’s in bed. She’s been going out a lot…like 3-4 times a week and he’ll go out with his buddies once a week. He started to wonder…are they having problems? “They do show affection to each other…hmm.” He started to recall previous times when he heard them arguing about disagreements on how to raise their child and her getting a job. He recalls hearing her mother say that she needs to calm down and realize what she has. He needed a second opinion on his friend’s situation.

He goes out with his friends…and although he doesn’t want to bring it up, speaks of this situation. “I’m worried about John.” He explains the situation to his best guy friend Mike and Mike’s sister Krista. He goes deeper saying that he feels as if his bud and wife are “unhappy” and it appears as if his bud’s getting walked on. Krista responded “You never know what’s going on behind closed doors.” He felt scared for him, but didn’t convey the worst.

Then it happened. Right in front of his face, he witnessed his buddy’s wife being disrespectful to her husband. Childish, she’d done something to make a point, in front of others. He was hurt for his friend, kind of like he’d been emasculated by being purposely ignored by the mother of his child. A man who loves them both his wife and child more than life itself.

One day, when he and his bud were hanging out, he asked him “Everything ok with you and the wife?” He responded “Yeah, why?” “Well, she’s been treating you like shit a lot lately, and you just keep taking it.” “She’s got the 7 year itch/issues and I think she thought I was going to change (throughout the years).” “Well, no one can assume anyone is going to change but for her to be backing away doesn’t seem to be what’s best, shouldn’t you two be working this out together?” “Maybe, but to be fair, you can’t really say anything until you’ve been through it yourself.” “Point taken.”

For the rest of the day, he felt disappointed for his friend. His friend’s heart and soul was dedicated to this woman and it appears he has what all men want…a great job, a family and a nice place to live…and yet, still it wasn’t good enough for her.

Over dinner, (still confused) he started to explain this to his girlfriend. Telling her the scenario between his best friend and his girlfriend. He suggested therapy, and maybe he should suggest it to them…but she said “It is not your place to make such a recommendation.” He didn’t know what to do, to help fix his friend’s problem…and it bothered him.

What do you do, when you have everything you ever wanted, and it’s not good enough? What do you do, when you know…without changes…resentment and anguish will blossom?

Shows I watch while I’m in Korea were complimented by a host of others I hadn’t seen since I’d been in the USA last. Shows I’d never watched before…Big Bang Theory, Royal Pains, White Collar, Franklin and Bash, Covert Affairs, The Talk and a few others. Now, consider that I wasn’t sitting home watching tv 24 hours a day nor was I watching every episode of a show.

Most shows I’m watching are, of course, fiction. The one new show that wasn’t fiction is called “The Talk”. It’s a show of four women, (competition for “The View”) who come together to talk about everything that goes through the minds of people in the 21st century. Yes, it’s a show aimed at women, but it’s more than that.

One episode, they spoke of racial issues with Taye Diggs. He grew up in an affluent area and being the only black in the area, he was picked on. So, he wrote a book to make everyone realize it’s good to be different. In this book there is an idea about how each person is special like a piece of chocolate, so each person on the show came up with their own chocolate flavor. Consider the exercise of having to come up with your own personal equivalent of you…in a flavor of chocolate. It was both interesting and funny.

Another episode, most of the women spoke of their life and how, due to a family’s hectic schedule, some things may get sidebarred or put off or shortened, etc. One of the women said, she believes everything in life should adapt to the 20 minute rule. Everything from your commute to grocery shopping to sex, should apply to this. Made me take a step back…and think…when my life gets to be like this…do I…should I…would I…want this to apply?

20 minute rule…? How do you feel about the 20 minute rule?

One man…who was sitting in Starbucks earlier, was standing outside the window with his bicycle in hand, talking to the window. Passionately, he was speaking to the window, or so it appeared to the people on the other side of the window. Every once in a while, one of us would catch this from our peripheral vision and while not saying a word, wonder what was going on. Still suffering from a cold, I coughed into my hand. And then I looked up. This man had proceeded to give me the middle finger. I wanted to laugh and say “thank you sir” but instead I just kept on typing like I wasn’t aware of what happened. Eventually, he left and all of us sitting at the bar in Starbucks, stopped typing, writing, studying to converse about this disturbed man.

About 10 minutes later, I felt like someone was looking at me. I looked up and saw a well dressed man walking past the window, making eye contact with me the whole time…to the point where he had to turn to look to maintain such eye contact. And as we met eyes, I waited a second and then raised my eyebrows at him. He smiled and I reciprocated.

It’s such moments like these, that make you realize…that New Yorkers…people who have this ultimate carefree maybe even sometimes careless go go go instilled in them, take the time to realize that we are all human beings. And no matter what happens, deep down, we all have this need to share a moment. It’s what links us together.

As far as the USA is concerned, there is only one place I could call home. One day, I will return to live in NYC…and hope to enjoy such moments and more. I’ll miss you NYC…but I will be back.

4) Walking down the street in downtown NYC, two girls were talking:
“Wow, it looked like that guy was about to collide right into us.”
“I think he was about to collide with YOU.”
“Is that how it works now. NYC have new courting rituals I’m not aware of?”

3) Four girls catching up at a bar, start talking about the bartender.
“That guy really has a nice ass.”
“Yup.”
“But, it kinda looks like he’s the type of guy who has a small dick.”
“Agreed. I’m on board with the more a man has a double chin at a young age, the smaller his penis is.”

2) Three girls talking about life. One gets to talking about her inlaws and how their mooching off of her and her husband’s money. Talking about people who procreate and expect others to pay, she says “Why am I paying for your pumps?”

1) Two girls are sitting at a bar and the bartender comes over and in friendly conversation asks where they’re from. Upon hearing they are not from the West Village, he asks what they are looking to do/looking for in the area. When they say nothing specific, but wondering what the area is known for he says “…lots of war history and gay rights activism. There are tons of gays in this area. Throw a stone and you’ll hit a faggot! I can say that cause I am a faggot. All the guys in the area are gay but if go gogo! Go go dancers…they’re all old wall street straight guys needing to make money.”

In all its bluntness, “Fu*k, I love New York.”

I realized, what I was looking at, was an ordinary woman, but simply amazing. White jeans, off white coat, nude heels, hair pulled back, basic makeup and sheer lipstick. I was absolutely stunned with how pulled together this woman was. And then she smiled…and I realized I was staring. Hahaha…I quickly turned away and shockingly realized, not only was this woman put together in the material sense, but also the physical sense as well. Most New Yorkers would’ve opted for the dirty look or strong eye gaze.

One day, my brother said to me he wanted to do some shopping. Furthermore, he said that his girlfriend didn’t particularly like the way he dressed, so he needed to add a few new things to his wardrobe. I found this interesting…my brother has never initiated a shopping trip, but for his love, he felt the need to upgrade.

Most men don’t like to shop. In fact, very few do. (To state the obvious, I’m speaking only about straight men.) Many don’t realize, that fashion, even the slightest amount of fashion sense, can make them more attractive to women.

Back in the day I used to read Cosmo, but I stopped reading it the day I saw an article about dropping the freshman 15. Nothing like that wakeup call, to make you realize you’re getting older. However, I do still get their emails about articles and pieces they are featuring in each issue. An email titled “Easy Ways to Style Your Guy…” caught my attention.

The article went on to state that 5 key things can instantly upgrade a man’s repertoire. These five pieces are a navy blazer, a formal hairstyle, vintage watch, learning how to match prints and colors correctly and owning a nice dress shoe.

(For those of you who don’t know…you can mix prints together…as well as different colors. This spring, bold colors are in, in, in! And for Spring, this New Yorker has embraced color. Scary to deviate from the normal uniform of all black, but hey…you need to take a chance with fashion. But, for those of you who are fashion deficient…realize that you can mix and match patterns and colors in the same color family easily without taking too much of a fashion risk. For example: Blue plaid dress shirt, blue/gold argyle sweater vest and a gold or blue tie. Easily done. Even easier…just stay in the same color family, i.e. various shades of a different color. If a shirt has different colors in it, use those colors to put your outfit together!)

Now, not all guys can rock a “formal hairstyle” and some guys can’t afford a vintage watch, but the other three are incredibly reasonable upgrades that will definitely bring in more candidates and/or show your significant other that you care enough to invest a little in yourself. Believe me…a little investing, goes a long way.

Last time I saw her, she was pregnant. It wasn’t planned, but turned out to be a blessing for her and her husband, allowing them to grow as a couple. And although I didn’t have a child or a husband to speak of, we both passionately caught up on last 1.5 years and so much more.

It’s fascinating for me to listen to my friends who are married/married with children. I learn so much, which who knows if it will help or hurt me when my day comes around, but I learn from both the choices and mistakes that they make.

One thing she said really hit home. She was speaking of her daughter, husband and how family life is. She goes on talking about how life has changed, for the better, and how her and her husband have had to change their lives, etc. Then she said something that no other friend has said to date. I don’t remember exactly how she said it, but it went something like “he comes first.” I was baffled.
90% of the people I’ve met in life up until Korea are married with children. Every single one of them have articulated that their children come first. Could this be, what is possibly wrong with relationships/marriages? The reason for such a high divorce rate in the 21st century?

I said “You are the first person I’ve heard say that….” She said “It has to be that way.” Paraphrased, she said “without that, what will my daughter see? What will my daughter grow up to think? He is my number one. He has to be.”

What a great way to think of relationship dynamics… An old fashioned mindset, but I think she hit the nail on the head with what many people miss out on these days. In order for a relationship, marriage, family to work, you must be dedicated to keeping the foundation together. And that foundation started with the love that two people found. When you find that love…remember that he or she is your number one…and don’t ever forget it.

More than not, it’s funny when you have the life that I have. At lunch today, while in conversation with a college friend, we spoke about mutual friends we have…and that some friendships come and go…and others last a life time. We spoke about old friendships…some that have dissipated and others that have thrived. I mentioned to him, the friendships I’ve made with a lot of the guys in college have lasted longer and been stronger than most of the female ones. He mentioned something most people don’t…envy. I then laughed, saying that many of my high school friends and colleagues admire me and say they live vicariously through me…which is interesting because whenever I see them…I feel as if I have to figuratively sing and dance on a table for them…but I never considered envy. It kind of put things into perspective.

I may have a different life, a life that others want, others despise, some could never and maybe even some envy, but I’m very lucky to have met the people I have…and to have the opportunities I have/have had. I’ve worked hard…but learn a lot from others…and I even consider all of that in all my decisions…and I am thankful to have those friendships in my life.

So…to all my friends: Thank you.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been working a part time job. A few people, including some family members, have told me I’m crazy to work while on vacay. However, I was starting to go a little nuts being home all the time and doing nothing. (Even if I have daily plans, still, lots of downtime on a 2.5 month vacay.) Plus, I saw/see this as a great way to make some extra cash. (Still in the process of replenishing everything I lost due to the summer mold debacle.)

Growing up in a culturally diverse middle class town, my dad taught us to work hard and we will reap rewards. My parents also taught us to be polite, have manners and be nice to everyone…you know, the golden rule.

Today, a customer came into the store and we were short staffed, so one of the cooks had to help the customer. The cook is bilingual. The customer was Hispanic and so the cook decided to talk to the customer in Spanish. The customer asked what the specials were and the cook responded thoroughly. The owner heard this and in front of the customer said “don’t explain that dish to him, people like him don’t like that kind of cheese, they like sausage and peppers or meatballs,” etc. Now, I am not sure if the shock I felt fed through on to my face but I was not happy. Any person with business sense would know you want sales. And in order to do that, first, treat your customers with respect and they will continue to be a patron to your establishment and secondly, increase your dollar per transaction with a special at $8 versus a sandwich at $5 or $6.

Later, still shocked, I spoke to the cook quietly and said “That wasn’t good.” He looked at me and said “You have NO idea.”

Still in a state of shock, my mind wandered. I realized, growing up, I’d seen situations like this and I’ve always felt bad. NY, NJ and CT has a high percentage of both legal and illegal immigrants but as a business owner (and a decent person), you need to treat everyone the way you’d like to be treated. This ignorance was rediculous. Neither the customer nor the cook did anything to receive such second class treatment.

Now, it’s sad to say…that this behavior is something I expect from our parents/grandparents generation (and some elites in Greenwich). I remember visiting my aunt and uncle on vacation and as they drove us around, my uncle (rest his soul) said something derogatory about a specific group/race living in a certain area. Growing up in NY, I always just ceeded it as a warning like…due to poverty, crime is more likely to happen in that (or a certain) area. (Case and point: I love NYC but I won’t be walking or hanging out in the projects.) Additionally, ethnic groups have been discriminated against as they’ve moved into the US. However, as we become more educated, we should be more worldly/openminded in our thoughts. How can we expel ignorance and close mindedness, if the educated are acting poorly?

“So, are you gonna stay there forever?” Once again I laughed (but with a you’ve got to be kidding me look) and said “No.” She smiled and said by my pics and stories, it sounded like I loved it there. And my response was of course I do, but it’s making the best of a situation and that it’s no NYC or Europe.

A few days later, I was pondering the future and all that’s to come. The relationship with myself came into play as much as I considered my future relationships.

Going back to the night out with my friends, the two of us who are single were referring to relationships and how we’ve given guys a chance, but something pretty integral wasn’t right. And due to the fact that we are older, we gave this person a chance…but after time we realized, it would never work. That’s when the married one said “As we get older, we become more ingrained in what we want” and won’t take anything otherwise.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with a male friend, venting something that’s bothered me about Korea for a long time, the situation with relationships. After spilling my theory about men in Korea, he countered by saying, it’s the same situation with women in Korea. Yes, the foreign population of men in Korea are more apt to enjoy the local dish (i.e. Korean women), but looking at from both angles…men and women do deal with the same issues abroad. Which takes me back to pondering about my future…

When one lives abroad, if one wants to make a change, you need to do it at least 6 months in advance. As I’ve started to research world opportunities, I look at the world as endless opportunity. There are opportunities all over, but the places I’d love to go don’t pay half as much as the places I’d be ok living in. (I think everyone else is more excited about me possibly going to Dubai than I am.) And then we circle back to where I’ve been for the past 2 months…home. NYC will always be my heart and soul…this city has everything I’d ever want or need…except traveling the rest of the world (and 5 months vacation).

Is it horrible that I want it all? (Is that as bad as it sounds? I’m not greedy, I’d rather see it as determined.)

Although it seems like I’ve gone no where in the past few months, I’ve realized a few things. Deep down, in a year, I want to be back in NYC…however, I also still have these shackles on my ankles from student loans. Yes, I was the person who decided to go to private schools for my B.A., M.B.A. and M.S.Ed. however, due to scholarships, I only owe 1/3 of the total price. Ok, now we all know that is no consolation prize…but what it presents to me is this: I can start looking to go abroad to those countries that pay a lucrative wage however have a 2 year or more time commitment OR go home and continue to struggle with student loans while making ends meet in the tri-state area. And then the last resort…I can continue to the status quo…be complacent and stay in Korea…putting off my decisions (or rather indecisiveness) for another 12 months.

No matter where I am…I need to realize living life is most important. Yes, relationships are essential to our being but if I continue to enjoy myself…then it doesn’t make a difference about any other relationship…other than the relationship with myself. So long as I am open to the possibilities, everything will fall into place.

I wondered if all day would be too much and maybe I’d have some down time… I made sure I knew the rooms all of the colleagues/friends I cared about so I could visit them in a timely manner.

After very little sleep, due to my dare devil niece managing to climb over and out of her crib (to fall roughly 4 feet), around 9:30, with Starbucks in hand, I excitedly drove out to Queens.

I walked inside, handed off my id and went on a journey through my old stomping grounds. Old memories came rushing back, both good and bad, reminding me of the first time I walked in the building to the very last day. I said hello to some of the secretaries and then headed down to the cafeteria. It was senior lunch, but I taught about 50 of the current seniors, so I wasn’t totally concerned with seeing them as much as the two teachers who supervised. One student screamed out “Ms. V is back, yessssssss!” I smiled. Conversations about Korean politics, culture and education ensued between colleagues and soon enough, it was time to make my rounds elsewhere.

I ran into another person and got into a long conversation about life…then realized, one class that was still at the school, the current juniors, were one of my favorite classes. After excusing myself from the conversation so I could make it downstairs with time to chat, I headed into the cafeteria. As I walked closer to the cafeteria, I heard announcements were being made. And as I walked into the cafeteria I heard “Look, it’s Miss V!” Less and less attention was given to the announcements and more and more students were screaming “Ms. V!!!” Feeling bad for the administrator giving announcements, I showed the universal sign to be quiet and told them to lower their voices. Questions abound…and with 20 +/- students surrounding you, all anxiously asking you questions and awaiting your answers…it’s kind of overwhelming. But, it felt amazing to know that I’d affected their lives, to where they really cared to hear what I had to say. It was sad to hear how some of the students felt they weren’t learning anything and how they miss a teacher who thinks outside the box and makes learning fun. Then, the bell rang. I told them if there was one thing I could pass on to them, it was to make sure they realized one thing…although NYC is great, the world is small, travel as much as you can, after college, look into job opportunities abroad, because one day you may look back and may wish you did. They smiled, some gave me hugs, others high 5s/handshakes and all of them went off to their next class.

After my visit with old students, I headed off to see old colleagues. First, I went to the one person I’d consider to have been somewhat of a mentor for me when I was there. I presented him with a small token/gift, to show appreciation for how he’d always take the time to answer any question I’d have, whether small or big, educational or political. We spoke about many things, and of course the last thing I asked him was “What are your feelings about the upcoming election?” His answer was profound yet simple. “Obama has it in the bag” he said. He explained what many people see…that the Republican party is a circus and no one candidate is strong or sound enough to create enough of a following to beat Obama.

One student in the hallway saw me talking with a few colleagues and screamed out “Hey Miss V, remember me?” I said “Hey ****!” Shocked at the fact I remembered, a smile surfaced and the student move on to their next class.

Next, I went on to see a colleague of mine from the Math dept, who had no idea that I was stopping by. I spent an hour chatting with him, catching up on everything under the sun. It was great to see him, we were great friends and during the conversation all he kept saying was “Wow, I can’t believe you’re here!”

I finished my rounds seeing all of those people I care(d) about and dodging those I could care less about. I found out more gossip than I wanted to know, in numerous versions, about different people and some things so profoundly perverse, to realize…even if I didn’t get laid off, leaving at the time that I did, was best. It felt good to be an outsider…and even better not to be involved in the ridiculousness that surrounds that school. It’s the amazing students that keep a lot of the teachers at that school, and makes it just as hard to leave.

My friend/colleague said to me…”you know what was best, I don’t think the students thought you were going to really come through for a visit. They were genuinely looking forward to seeing you and many of them miss you very much.”

After each conversation I had, it gave me a good feeling, a feeling that made me realize I’ve made some great connections throughout my life and that I’m incredibly lucky to have worked there. With that, I left the building with an amazing feeling, a big smile, and a belly that was excited to have Thai food and continue my amazing day with two amazing friends/colleagues.